A Fan

Ann pulled out her gold vibrator. It was old and she was on her last pair of C batteries. She found a video of some men breaking into an unsuspecting woman’s house and “taking advantage of her.” She liked to see the struggle though she never enjoyed watching double penetration. Ann pressed her vibrator onto her clitoris and allowed it to buzz mildly. When she could sense the first penis was about to enter the vagina, she turned the level up to a hearty shake. She was coming.

Ann let the video continue playing and gave her loins a moment. She knew she could come again and that the second time would be better. The men were taking turns fucking the woman and the others grabbed her breasts, stuck their cocks into her mouth and into her hands and Ann was able to come a second time, so hard that she screamed aloud and wondered if the neighbors thought Gene might be there with her.

She floated down from the orgasm and erased her browser history. Not even Gene could see what it was Ann liked to watch, she was afraid he would judge her and use it against her anytime she talked about sex negative feminism. This was the bind she was in: Advocating for a world she herself could not be a part of. How depraved her sexuality was, how ashamed she was to admit it, how she hated herself for feeling the desires she felt.

Ann often thought of the daughter she would have with Gene. Ann wanted to build a world in which her daughter would not need the attentions of men as she did to feel validated. Ann wanted to see a world in which her daughter didn’t desire violence and degradation against her. Ann hoped this future was possible, even though all was lost for her.